My Future Children,

I promise to never read you bedtime stories. Never Dr. Seuss, or Charlotte's Web. You'll never find a key to a locked garden, or help Corduory find his pocket. I'll raise you right - in front of the television. Together, we'll play video games, winning once all the books are burned. We'll chant, "Reading is stupid! Reading is boring! Reading is stupid!" Our hands raised above our heads, turning and dancing with our avatars.
They'll say, "Who needs the library anyway?"
We'll say, "No one!"
They'll say, "Why read when you can watch TV and play video games?"
We'll say, "No one!"
They'll ask, "Who wants to play again?"
We'll yell, "We do!"

You'll press "restart", my future children, and I'll smile because I've spared you this pain.


-Yours

Wrinkles,

You're beautiful. Don't fill yourself with jellies or talc.



Depth is grace,

D

Dear D.I.A. Staffer,

I dug in the bottom of my purse, in my pockets, and under my hat but I couldn't find anything - no stray stick of gum, lollipop , or pre-written thank you poem. So, in exchange for your kindness, we grant you immortality, here, on the i.n.t.e.r.n.e.t.

-Dar and Justin

Dear _____________,

I'll respect you more if you roll your own.

-D

Dear Makers of the following products: Tampoons and Glucometers,

You're too expensive! What does my $8.00 a box buy me? A plastic tube and some cotton? It's not my fault I need to buy you! I should get a box, in the mail, once a month, and it should cost next to nothing!

And sure, you'll practically give away a glucometer but the strips needed to use the machine cost almost $50.00 a box! Why would something someone needs to have in order to insure their health be so expensive?

Something to think about,
D

Dear Oprah,

I make less than $2,000 a month, working at my local library. I'm dedicated to promoting literacy in my community and reaching out to those who are lapsed or reluctant readers. I run a book club for students in 4-6th grade. I'm planning a city-wide read and a book club for high school students who stay after school.
To get this far, I completed my undergraduate education and attended one semester of graduate school. I left because the curriculum focused more on computers than books. I can't go back now, even if I change my mind, because my student loan payments are high enough as it is and I refuse to take out more. You donate millions of dollars to charities and causes around the world. What if you donated to college students like me? Students who are working as hard as they can, 40 hours a week, doing jobs they love but getting paid just enough to get by? What about us?

Sincerely,
Darlene

Betrayed

Dear Detroit,

I don't want to visit you anymore.

Dear Alcohol,

I'm also considering a trial separation.


Thanks again,
D