My Future Children,

I promise to never read you bedtime stories. Never Dr. Seuss, or Charlotte's Web. You'll never find a key to a locked garden, or help Corduory find his pocket. I'll raise you right - in front of the television. Together, we'll play video games, winning once all the books are burned. We'll chant, "Reading is stupid! Reading is boring! Reading is stupid!" Our hands raised above our heads, turning and dancing with our avatars.
They'll say, "Who needs the library anyway?"
We'll say, "No one!"
They'll say, "Why read when you can watch TV and play video games?"
We'll say, "No one!"
They'll ask, "Who wants to play again?"
We'll yell, "We do!"

You'll press "restart", my future children, and I'll smile because I've spared you this pain.


-Yours

Wrinkles,

You're beautiful. Don't fill yourself with jellies or talc.



Depth is grace,

D

Dear D.I.A. Staffer,

I dug in the bottom of my purse, in my pockets, and under my hat but I couldn't find anything - no stray stick of gum, lollipop , or pre-written thank you poem. So, in exchange for your kindness, we grant you immortality, here, on the i.n.t.e.r.n.e.t.

-Dar and Justin

Dear _____________,

I'll respect you more if you roll your own.

-D